A story I wrote about my brother and Internet is running all over the place today, and there’s a link to this blog at the bottom of it, so I just wanted to say hi. Apologies that it’s so neglected. It’s mostly just a kind-of online resume. Feel free to roam around, of course. That’s what the web’s for, eh?
Pat said
Hello Winston,
Your article in Newsweek about your brother was fascinating reading, disturbing and heartbreaking, but not for the reason in the headline.
To me, the main point of interest is this question: How far do you go to help a family member who just can’t get it together ?
I must admit, my reaction after reading the story is the following: This writer’s brother is homeless, living next to the railroad tracks and getting beat up by teenagers just like in the movie “A Clockwork Orange” and he’s writing a detached article about all this? The writer’s brother doesn’t need handwringing, he needs shelter first so he isn’t frozen or beaten to death.
Why isn’t the writer putting down the notebook and camera, telling his brother to get in the car and taking his brother home, or at least getting him to a homeless shelter ?
But let’s say you do put him in the car and take him home. If push comes to shove and your brother doesn’t want your help, doesn’t want to stay in a shelter, doesn’t want to work, do you let him crash on your couch forever while you go crazy ? Maybe you’ve been down this road before. And there’s nothing forcing your brother to accept your help.
So, I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story. And, perhaps you discussed all this in the article, and the Newsweek editors took it out because they wanted a story about Internet addiction. That’s too bad, because in the article as it appears you come off being quite cold (oh, I suppose he’ll freeze to death some day).
I would suggest a follow up article about your efforts to help your brother out of his situation. I think that will resonate with a lot more people.
Monica said
Dear Mr. Ross:
Thank you for your most important and poignant story. I hope your brother is soon able to live in a shelter or apartment so he is physically safe.
I forwarded your article to a friend whose pre-teen daughter is very addicted to the internet. In fact, she has exhibited violent behavior if the internet is turned off or restricted. It is very sad and he does not know how to handle her addiction. They both have ADHD so, as you stated, this is a big part of it. My son, who just graduated from college, also is addicted but not to the same extent. However, he sleeps with his iPhone at night and is constantly either texting, on the computer, or playing video games. Thanks again for your article. I’m beginning to believe the internet is turning into a curse, not a blessing.
Sincerely,
Monica
David said
Hello Winston,
I just read your article. The reason I read it – I’m at work, spenind too much time on the internet and it caught my eye.
I’m looking for the inspiration I need, the little wake up call that gets me to snap out of it and get back to my responsibilities in life.
Though I’ve never officially been “diagnosed” with internet addiction, I can say that poor choices I’ve made with use of the internet and computers has had a profound and sometime painful impact on my life.
My worklife is one area where the effect was evident. I was not a very productive employee several years ago and this was evident to my immediate supervisors. I struggled with depression as I became more alert to how what I was chosing to do with my time was impacting my life.
One thing that helped to start me on a different path was coming across the website http://www.pib.net
pib.net is the website of Philosophy in Business, based on the writings of Peter Koestenbaum.
You can sign up for a weekly “Leadership Thought”. I’ve found that Peter’s writing has had a profound and positive impact on my life.
Two things stand out – one that anxiety is a healthy, normal part of life if we chose to view it that way, and two that we are free but “to be free, you must know how to claim your freedom”.
I share below a recent weekly thought from Peter Koestenbaum.
Maybe you could direct your brother to this site and see if he will sign up for the weekly thought as well. I’m still on the path of “recovery” so to speak, but I believe firmly that one of the turn around points for me was to first recognize that I am the only one responsible for my actions, and thus the only one capable of changing course. The more I dwell on this notion, the more I find I am empowered to live life in a better way.
Best regards,
David
“KOESTENBAUM’S WEEKLY LEADERSHIP THOUGHT
3 AUGUST 2009
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE FREE?
‘You are responsible, you are accountable, it is up to you, it is in your hands, we met the enemy and it is us, it’s no one’s fault but our own, we should have known better, we had it coming…’ You hear this talk today.
When I was younger, psychology dominated the language. The language of choice was not yet in the popular culture. It was rather the language of escaping responsibility. It was always ‘your mother, your father, your family, how you were wired, how you were brought up, what your teachers taught you, the society at large, what everybody did.’ And on and on. It was never up to me, it was never my doing, it was always something in my childhood that conditioned me and caused my behavior.
Today, you never leave an airplane without the pilot or purser thanking you for choosing that airline. ‘We know you have a choice,’ they say, ‘and we appreciate your choosing us.’ The language has changed.
Freedom and choice, responsibility and accountability have entered our common vocabulary. That is good. The question is, do people in business and in the professions understand experientially what these words mean, to what in human experience they refer? Can they talk intelligently, that is, informatively and persuasively, about these inner territories of the soul? Are they aware of the correlations between understanding freedom and performance on the job? Being results-oriented — ‘We will correct the absentee problem in this plant’ — is to take personal and free responsibility for achieving those results.
To be free, you must know how to claim your freedom. …
Leadership begins with your unshakeable conviction — and feeling — that you are in charge of your life, that you are responsible for your actions, that you are accountable for the consequences of your deeds, intended or not. This shows in how you walk, talk, and present yourself. It shows in how you look others in the eye, how you stand up to stress, and how you are gentle when you reproach someone. You smile when others despair. You are relaxed when others panic. You always do something, plan something, envision something. You do not wait for chance, and you do not hold off for fate to take over. And you are prepared — to win but also to lose.
Peter Koestenbaum Ph.D.”
Margie Martinez said
This is a very interesting article for me. I heard some familiar thoughts and ideas on this subject. I too know of people, one of which is my brother who is seriously addicted to the internet. I know people at all different levels of the slippery slope into the addiction to the internet and I find it scary to be honest. The seriously addicted people become socially awkward shut ins. It is worrisome to me because they lose reality with the real world and the people in it and have a very hard time relating to others. It is also frustrating because like any other addiction the person addicted has to want to change. I would love to talk to other people that have immediate family that have this addiction and see how they deal with their loved one. Just curious. – This addiction is only going to become more common and widespread I am afraid.
Snowday said
Phenomenal article…I’ve lost my husband to same things. Older folks sometimes don’t get that its not just like the guy plays too much Atari, and whats the harm there. Its so frustrating that they aren’t living in reality. I have had some time to think about it, and believe its male depression. The gaming cos prey on these guys to sell I believe.
We don’t know whether that caused the gaming though, or gaming caused the issue, but depression can be treated some. Of course, mine turned it down. Keep on getting the word out.
Take care.
Deb said
Wow! I am feeling some real comfort to know that others share my situation. My daughter has always worked so hard with her bipolar disorder (the prevalence of which is an entirely different issue) that I thought she would progress through life with just a little bit of difficulty, that she would be able to work out her issues and that she would be happy and successful. Then her real life social networking gradually changed, and has now become nonexistent since the internet has usurped her. Her life outside her favorite website has also ceased. She has difficulty with all ADL’s and denies that she has a problem. If she would ever overcome this denial, one of these several week long behavior modification programs would be great! Her mental illness has made her lifetime rearing costs alot higher than usual, and quite frankly, $14,000 is out of the question. I am sure that other programs will be formed in the future, but what about now?